sweatshirts n sand pt. 2

the thing is
my soul feels tangled

one minute
i’m filled with the sweetness of His love

the next
i feel as empty and alone
as the peak of a mountaintop

why do i feel like i’m on a mountain
with no one
who has my back?

let’s unpack that…

my emotions are tangled
hard to distinguish
one thread from another

even more than that
let’s talk about how difficult it is
to uncover…

why some emotions
come just as quickly
as they leave

why do some
have a tendency to stay
longer than i’d like to admit?

why is my joy palpable one minute
and the next
my heart is sunk
like a rock in the ocean?

how can i be so in love with Jesus
and still be on this roller coaster
wave of emotions?

david was.

the disciples were.

many others in the Bible
knew what it was
to be deeply distressed
and deeply destined

for a greater purpose
than their flesh could confess

God, this is your story
and i’m a supporting actor
at best

i’m your girl
& i’m still a mess

make your power
perfect in my weakness

may i know
that even when i go astray
my Father is not far from me

He’s running from afar
with wide open arms
and love in His heart for me

i don’t know how
or why
i feel this way

i do know the way
n the truth
n the life

made a way for me
to come to His presence
in my deepest time of need

when i feel buried
alone
and stuck
in the soil and the muck…

God’s love is abrupt

stopping me
stopping my world
and everything in it

and reminding me
that what i have right now
is enough

this pen
my Bible open
and a heart that is desperate
once again

to sink into the ocean
of perfect love

i cast my emotions
with this fishing pole of faith

and a rod
that is rigid
without the overwhelming mercy of God

you catch the bait
of my hopelessness

and fill me with hope
all over again

overwhelming me
with the water of His love

that resides
even in the tidal waves
of my emotional life

in one minute
out the next

washing up on a shore
that has been torn n beaten

and then renewing
all the debris
where destruction has been leadin’

washing up
& washing out

all within me
that must get out

untangle my emotions
oh God
help me get them out

humble me
in my weakest state

continue to bring me
to a place
of my great need for You

let’s unpack this baggage
n not let it hold me back

i release
so i may grasp
the depths of your ransom

sweatshirts n sand

chaos and all

keep my heart steady
and this feeble mind strong